Sick season...

Lately a lot of people were down with flu, cough, fever and etc. That is inclusive of my partner with his on-off high fever for the past 1 week, a couple of my colleagues and my best 'sistar'. For me, I have been trying to suppress my fever cum flu from surfacing but no matter how hard I tried, it managed to find his way out. Yesterday my cough started and I had some low grade fever. Took some panadol and cough mixture and I slept like a pig.

In terms of job, finally my boss dragged me aside and asked me what's the reason behind my resignation. Told her 2 main contributing factors - I'm not happy with what I am currently doing and the compensation package that I am getting today does not match with the workload that I'm managing.

I guess by formality, she tried to persuade me to stay, promised me that she will propose for a promotion and salary adjustment next year (yes, not immediate...what a way to counter propose, right?). This part was pleasant to hear and that's more. she said I will still have to continue doing what I am doing in 2013. I'm like WTH....duhhh...didn't I just told her I'm not happy with my job? How can that be part of something that is suppose to convince me to stay? *sigh*

Frankly I have nothing against the nature of my current role. Doing program management is indeed challenging and very engaging. You feel very much in control of how you want to drive your program and the result is purely based on your contribution. It's like how you want to groom / mould your baby into an adult that you would like to see. The problem that I'm constantly facing has always been the lack of management direction and support. I'm so tired of getting a couple of outsider's support to help me clean up my own household mess (convince my own VP and his management team to execute something).

Yes, ironic kan? Your manager and the whole board of management are suppose to stand behind you and support you all the way. They are NOT suppose to be 'the obstacle' that you need to fight off with your extended team. Penat lagi geram....

Anyways, to cut story short, I told her I will reconsider (just not to let her down immediately) and will get back to her the following day.

If you ask me, am I having second thought about my new job? The answer is - NO WAY.....lol

Decision made.....

After several rounds of consideration, I have finally decided to take up the offer from the new company and move on. I have to let go some of my current privilege such as working from home, flexible working schedule and hours but I think it's worth the sacrifice.

I have been very down and demotivated with my current job (soon to be my previous...^_^). I always thought that it was due to my limited experience and exposure that is dragging me down. But, if I were to sit down and evaluate the number of achievements and accomplishments that I have made in the past 3 months, it's not that bad after all. From someone timid who is not comfortable to stand up and present in a group of 4 and more, I think I made a huge progress. I never knew I was able to do more than I expected.

In the past 3 months, I did the following:

1. Manage to keep the plane flying above the ground for a regional program that I have no clue what it's all about until July this year
2. Manage and drive a group of country team to achieved a regional objective (although it's not that much of an improvement but I manage to stabilize and keep the new team member up to speed)
3. Give training and promote my program to a group of sales agent to get their support
4. Do results sharing and program overview with all the regional and country leadership including my VP
5. Gain respect and support from my external counter-part from Europe and America
6. From a nobody to somebody in my domain (people start coming to me for information, joint effort, collaboration of program and etc)

I think I achieved quite a fair bit in 4 months period. I know it's not a huge milestone from the management point of view but from a personal perspective, I think I deserve a tap on my own shoulder. Part of me feel that I should continue fighting this battle and gain more exposure and experience but I think this is not a suitable platform for me. No doubt I'm starting to like my job, the challenges and the creative side of it but unfortunately I'm in a team who does not see the value in this program. I know for a fact that no matter how much contribution I made, it will all slip thru the eyes of the management.

On 14-Nov-2012, finally I click on the "Send" button and submit my official resignation letter to my manager. She just replied my mail and scheduled a meeting with me on Monday to discuss about this. Partly I feel like replying back to her - "It's OK, I have made up my mind so let's skip to the last part where we get HR to process my resignation".

Oh well, if you ask me, am I excited about my new job? I would say, yeah I am but at the same time I'm having mixed feeling about leaving my current job. Not because of the job or the current management team that I am working for, but my fellow colleagues who have smiled and cried with me during difficult times in the past 5 years. They are the reason why i was hesitated in the first place. Well, like they say, every beginning will start from an ending. Guess it is time that I move out from my comfort zone and explore a new horizon.

Separation Anxiety.....

It's one of those regular Saturday when the maid is here to clean the place. I'm just sitting together with Tezel (my Yorkie) and Jack (my friend's silky) while waiting for the room to be cleaned.

I used to think that Tezel have serious case of Separation Anxiety till I babysit Jack. He is really 5 times worse than Tezel. He get anxious the moment I stepped out of the room or go downstairs. He will start whinning and make all sorts of unsettling sound and ultimately he will barking like no tomorrow. So you can imagine, each time u leave him behind, you have like 3-4 mins timer before he start barking.

I know he is scare of the new environment, insecure and not having his owner around him. He is confuse and at the same time worried if his owner will ever come back for him. Every now and then he will look at the door, waiting and hoping that my friend will appear at the door to bring him home. Well, I do hope that Jack will feel more at ease soon.....

Should I stay or should I go....

  

I have been asking myself this questions for the past few days.

Yes, I got the job offer which came as a surprise to me. I'm still feeling the after shock effect from the fact that I got the job within the next working day after my interview. This is the fastest job offering opportunity in my entire career life for tha past 12 years. I was expecting them to get back to me in a weeks time or some may not even bother to call me back to tell me I didn't get the job.

When the head hunter guy called me and inform me the news, I was shocked!

HH : Hey bro, good news la. They agreed to all your terms and they are preparing the offer letter and working out the overall package for you. I will let you know once it's ready for you to go sign the letter.

Me: Huh? What? Are you telling me they are offering me the job? But the interview was last week and the following day was a Public Holiday and weekend.

HH : Yes la bro. They feel that you are a perfect match for this role and they would like to speed up the process of getting you in as soon as possible. They were planning to buy you over from your company but due to your personal trip by the end of the year, they agree to wait.

Me : (still shocked and speechless).... ermm.... 1 direct question if you don't mind

HH : Sure bro....ask

Me : Am I the only candidate ?

That Head Hunter guy continue on with his well-polished explaination that they choose me coz of my relevant experience and yada...... yada..... yada.....

They agreed to gave me the expected salary I asked for and best of all, they have no problem with me starting work from mid of January onwards. I thought the 2 month notice would turn them away because of the fact that they are desperate to get someone immediately to fill in the job. Maybe in a long run, it's worth waiting for 2 months instead of spending the next 6 months training someone new.

The job scope is almost identical to what I have done 5 years ago when I joined my current company. Although all my friends are really excitedfor me about my new job, but deep down I don't sare the same intense of excitement that they are feeling. I know this sound weird but I just have some hesitation. I'm stuck with this question to myself:

"Am I going backwards instead of progressing if I take this job?"

Deep down I'm truly happy that I can leave my current role which is so frustrating and stressful but on the other hand, it is giving me a chance to learn new responsibility. I know I bitch a lot about it, dragging myself to work, complaining and whinning about how it is killing me in terms of my motivation, my morale, my will to fight and the list goes on.

My career line has not been in a straight line. I have been in multiple industry and job.
Here goes the list which started back in 2000:

• 1st job : 7-eleven retail assistant
• 2nd Job : Factory working in some jewelry industry
• 3rd Job : QC Documentation Controller in manufacturing industry
• 4th Job : Business Development Executive in Education industry
• 5th Job : Taxation assistant (contract)
• 6th Job : Property Management Officer in one of the condo
• 7th Job : Program Management Coordinator (Sub con factory)
• 8th Job : Database Analyst in PC industry
• 9th Job : Contact Center Reporting Analyst in PC industry
• 10th Job : Contact Center Operation Lead (regional) in PC industry
• 11th Job : Program Manager in PC industry (current)
• 12th Job : Regional Business Analyst in Consumer industry (future)

For the past 12 years of working, I have landed in 11 different roles where from Job# 9 to Job# 11 are in my current company. My new job will be almost identical to Job# 9 but different coverage.I'm having this crazy thought that I'm going backwards instead of learning new things and progressing. Why I'm excited is merely just a chance for me to stop doing what I am doing now and leave.

On one hand, I'm excited about getting out of this pain but on the other hand, I'm hesitating with no strong valid reason why. It's just mixture of feeling. I know I'm not a very career minded person, not someone who wish to rule a company or monopolize a specific market. I'm just someone who would like to have a stabil income to get on with life's challenges and expectations. Guess partly I know I will be leaving the group of colleagues that have gone thru ups and downs with me for the last 5 years or maybe I'm having this fear to move out from my comfort zone for the past 5 years and move on to a new unknown territory.

Hhmm.... hope that this weekend will shed some lights for me to realise what will be the best for me....

Happy Belated Halloween guys.....

Understanding my myself....

Sometimes I feel like a stranger to myself - not knowing myself well enough. If you post this question to me:

1. "What do you like to do, in term of job or career?"
2. "What do I foresee myself doing for the next 10 years or till the end of my career line?"
3. "If I'm given a choice to choose, any job in the world, what would it be?"

My answer will be : "I donno leh" then shrug

Not only in terms of job decision, in terms of personal life, I'm always asking myself:

1. "What can I do with my life to make it more meaningful or more happier?"
2. "I have seen people who is very contented with their life, knowing what are their dreams and making use of their life to fulfill their life's ultimate goal. What is mine?"

My answer to these aspect of my life remain unknown as well.

Sad ala pathetic kan?

I think this is the downside of being too in touch with your emotions and allowing them to take charge in my life. I know I need to balance my logical and emotional side of me, but very often I give in to my emotional side.

Like example, lately I attended an interview. I started to feel overwhelm with the fact that I may have to decide or make decision (something which I don't like to do, especially big one that can affect portions of my life span), but on the other hand, I get very frustrated and trapped when I'm left with no options. I know what my best pal will say to me at times like this...."you very char boh kan sin la" (means - you want something but when it comes, you don't want it to come...)

Oh well, guess I have to learn how to listen to the real thought within myself instead of emotions that run wild at that point of time....

Worried...nervous....anxious.....ugh

Yes, I'm having a mixture of feelings, one which can relates and blend in to another. For those who know me in person, knows why I'm feeling this way. For those that don't, which I doubt there are any who will read this blog, I'm going for interview tomorrow.

Gosh, I can't remember when was the last formal interview I went. It could easily be like 2 years back. I get this 'butterfly in the stomach' feeling the night before the interview and I wonder why. Not that I'm facing some death sentence or dooms day, I just can't feel the inner peace in me.

We (my partner and I) took a ride to the interview place, knowing how bad I am with reading maps and knowing my way around PJ area. When we reached there, I have this sudden shocked at how grand the building look like. First thing that strike my mind was - damn, these ppl must be arrogant, stuck-up ppl who thinks that they are 10 times better than you. I felt intimidated, honestly. Not that my current company is small and less grand, just the appearance of the building itself gave me that kind of unsettling vibes.

Sigh......maybe years of settling down in a known environment gave u that kind of resistance to changes....I donno ....perhaps

Silly me ya.....

Another note that made me feel nervous is knowing the fact that 4 ppl will be interviewing me - 2 locals and 2 Aussie. Yes.....major freaky moments

I hope tomorrow my lucky star will shine on me and gave me the courage to show these guys that I am not to be underestimated. Before that, let me get a good rest and be prepared with a fresh looking face tomorrow. LOL

Ok good night ppl....wish me luck....

Mental Block.....Ugh....

Ugh.... It's one of those moment when my mind just refuse to function beyond its basic survival mode.
I never have problem with "massaging" massive amount of data. But now, I just don't know what to do with the big load of data in front of me. I don't even know where to start and what to analyse, not to mention draw conclusion from those data.

Guess it's the way my mind is telling me.... enough for today....

Good night cyber world....
I'm gonna off my lappy and go back to the book I am reading.... ^_^

Which way.....

Today was another day of presentation. I presented to all the countries lead in the afternoon, sharing with them their achievement and review with them, what is working and what is not. I spent the whole morning preparing for a couple of slides to start my preaching at 1.30 pm. I finished the whole deck by 12 pm and I thought of taking a short nap until 1.30 pm before I start presenting (yes, I'm working from home again today.....nyek nyek nyek).

I turn on some soft instrumental music from a Japanese anime and I lied down on the bed. Tezel came and lied down next to me and we both slept. To my surprise, when I woke up, it was alreadt 1.35 pm and I quickly scooped Tezel up and put him back in his cage and initiate the conference call.

After apologized for being late due to the previous discussion (yes, I lied, I can't be telling them I overslept, can I.....) and I started off with the presentation. It went on well, I praised a few ppl here and there and try to motivate the team to do better in the program. I really have tough time motivating people where I myself, I'm stucked and confused with what will be the direction for me to drive this program.

That leads to another presentation that I have with the VP on clarifying the direction how he want this program to run in his organization. Yes...."mulut laser" session again which I was not really looking forward to. But, oh well, part of the job....

I spent the whole afternoon working on the slide deck that I want to sell the idea to him. Reviewed it with my lady Taiwanese boss, which I think she is kinda smart when she is focusing on your topic. Got a couple of valuable inputs from her to enhance my slides and off I go into the conference call with the VP at 5.30 pm. From the start of the presentation, as expected, multiple direct ammo were aiming at me but I would would gave myself some credit for dodging a few. (Kudos to myself.... yay)

Half way thru the presentation, he just stopped me and said :

VP: Have you been in touch with your WW (world-wide) counterpart?

Me: Yea..... (feeling puzzled)

VP: Who are those names that you are in contact with?

Me: Ermm.... they are....(naming the few WW people that I worked with)

VP: OK, good. This is the thing, soon you will see there will be a shift of direction from the management side and the top leaders has all agreed to it. ...(He start sharing the new strategy which I have not heard of)

Me: uumm.... uh huh.... errr.... OK. Well, to be honest, this comes as a surprise to me coz none of my WW contacts have shared this plan with us from the region.

VP: Expected.... (He start sharing with me how view and his plan and what to focus on and what I should spend my time working on.....)

Me: ...... (speechless and listen quietly).....

Basically, his approach is like this :

1. Don't stop the model you have today
2. Focus on a totally brand new model that you think it will work.
3. Don't work on improving the old model and relabel them as new.
4. Tear down the whole house and build a new one....

Hmmm.....I was totally speechless coz this is the first time ever I'm hearing all this. Oh well, guess one thing I need to do now is - go bug my WW counterpart and see if they are having the same insight of what my VP has shared with me. Gosh....I hate to be in a position where I don't know where to go or which direction should I focus on.

Oh well, the call with WW is 10 pm tonight (yes....night call and damn, those chirpy people who can't seems to stop talking in the early hours of their day) and I hope that they will share something which is align with what my VP was telling me. Else, I'll be stuck in a difficult situation again.

Let's hope that I don't have to end up in that deep hole again.....

Oh yea, first time ever, I got compliment from my lady boss that I did a very good presentation and I can articulate it very well.  Yay to me.... ^_^

Just for a change....

Today I had a long busy day again and one thing I hate about having a long busy day is to have night call with people from US / Europe. When the call starts, my mind if literally at 10% battery life, enough to sustain the basic function of my body - sit up and open my eyes. However, for those guys on the other side of the world, it's just the starting of their day and God knows why, these people really know how to start their day. They can be so energetic, chirpy and talked like today is the last day of their life.... they laugh, joke, feel so happy and grateful that a new day have started, new hope and yada yada yada.....

How I wish I can adopt some of that mentality..... So, I'll worry about that when the clock strikes 10 tonight.

Hmm... as usual, I'm in front of my computer, trying to log in WoW and .... BAM ..... 900+ queue in position, that means I can only get to play in another 30 mins or so. Well, decided to give my blog a new make-over, new colour, new font style and bla bla bla....

After 35 mins of fondling with the functions and layout, finally I'm satisfied....at least for now. I guess the thought of why I wanted to change my blog is also due to the meeting I had this afternoon with my boss, my VP and another China colleague of mine. We (me and my China colleague) were suppose to present our work to our VP. Although he has a annoying sense of humor, at least he takes the effort to praise you after he have shoot you 4 feet underground. Guess from this experience, I know why my lady boss was so eager to make me re-work my slide deck in the past 2 days. The level of details and the ability to stay focus that my VP has amazed me. I always thought, people at that level would only like to look at things from a helicopter view. I was soooo wrong. I'm not sure if I'm unlucky to have one that is so detailed oriented or I'm lucky to have leader who knows what is going on under his nose. That remains a question mark to me and it's very subjective depending on my mood..... ya ya...b*tchy me...

Well, I donno why but I felt much better after having that session with him, definitely not because I enjoyed his "mulut laser" session, but at least I know someone up there knows that I existed. Another point that I realized is my lady boss did try to defend her staff, of coz with her limited vocab but at least she tried. For that, I gave her credit and I think I will take back 30% of the horrible things I said about her.... Yes, she is still a pain in the xxx to me but not entirely a b*tch.....

Well, I guess it's time for me scrap away some of the negative thoughts and try to stay positive for a change...I know it's easy to say than done but at least I know I am not alone, struggling in the new job. That China colleague of mine face the same thing as well so we both sort of group up and b*the a little after the meeting.... like they say, when you are in a bad situation, whoever that stays in your boat will be your best ally and support you can ever get.....

Time to stop typing and start WoW-ing.... ^_^

Employer - Employee relationship....

Do I like my boss?
Or
Does my boss like me?

I donno....seriously!!

I don't know if I don't like my boss or I just simply don't understand her.
Our conversations seems to end up in a different end-point, not to mention coming to a common understanding to make decisions. I'm always questioning myself, is it me being paranoid again or it's just her who is not open to comments and feedback.

Today I had my 1:1 session with her, the session where we talked about my achievement in the last 12 months and getting into the same agreement that the goals set have been completed and closed. I really have tough time to make her understand my view. I explained and explained, conclusion is:

 Boss: "OK, you can think again and revise the completion % but I don't think it's 70% completed. To me, it's just 30%"

Me: "OK, if that is how you put it, then I don't think I have any choice"

It is always this way, whenever we discuss about anything, when she failed to convinced me or she is out of vocab to you (btw, she is a Taiwanese), she will just put a full stop to the sentence and say, OK, I still think it's like this and not that...period.

To me, I think she is a nice person but I don't think our personality can click in terms of working. I came across an article on the web which gives some tips on how to work effectively with your boss. It goes:


Tips # 1:
The relationship between you and your boss is likely a circular relationship: if you like your boss, your boss likes you; if your boss likes you, you like your boss. Overlook actions of your boss that may disappoint you and be conscious of how you react to conflicts

Tips # 2
Suit his/her work style. Understand your boss’s thought processes, preferences and pet-peeves. If your boss is hands-on, favors raw data for making decisions, resists confrontations or avoids risk, you must be sensitive and suit his/her style. You may be able to sell your boss on the merits of changes to his/her style; however, realize that change takes time and is not guaranteed.

Tips # 3
When your boss succeeds, you succeed. Understand your boss’s role, his/her strengths, weaknesses and goals. Ask how you can support his/her objectives and the organization’s goals. Do not assume his/her expectations of you. Communicate continually by detailing progress on your assignments and by giving prompt feedback on challenges you face and asking for support.

Tips # 4
Realize that one hand cannot clap. Fundamentally, people are different; their perspectives and work-styles are different. You are very lucky if you have a boss who is competent and supportive—somebody who is genuinely interested in your assignments and career advancement. Recognize early if things are not going well; be open and straight-forward in communicating your thoughts and if changes you made have not improved the situation appreciably, be prepared to leave


I doubt if I can even past for Tips # 2. Anyways, will continue to try till the day she pushes me off the limit. Then it would be my turn to say :

Me: NAH.....do it yourself la.....

Wishful thinking? I hope so coz I don't wish for that day to come so soon..... I like my company, just don't like the people that I work for...... Wish me luck... 

Just a click away....

Today is one of those days when I feel gloomy again. I feel so drained out the moment I read the email from my manager.She is one of those detailed with high expectation kinda boss - very difficult to achieve her expectation.

I worked on a slide deck last night till 10 pm... yes from morning 9 am to 10 pm, trying to put a complete region + country analysis for a survey that I have conducted in September. Frankly, I feel kinda glad that I have take off one task off my plate and I can move on to the other. But, this morning I saw a long email from her @ 11.00 pm, stating a long list of comments on what's missing and how I can further improve the deck.

WTH....!!

I went thru the slide deck with her this morning, guess what.....only 40% of my whole day's effort is good to go. That means I need to work on the other 60% by Wednesday. I do see the point where she is coming from but I feel that certain things we don't have to spoon-feed the other team. Just picture this, the report she wants to have must have the same capabilities like Google map, from a earth view down to the specific location of an individual house. That is is the level of drill-down she is hoping to see.

Oh well, like I was telling my 'sister' this morning, the solution to my misery is just a click of a button away. I told him that I have even typed out the resignation letter in my mailbox. All I need to do is to click on the button "Send". However, question to myself, what's next? The thought to that question is the show-stopper to my "smurf" land, coz I know right after I click 'Send', more worries will come and it won't be as easy as ranting it out to solve it. For now, ranting does ease down a bit of the pain..... to all my 'sisters' out there, I'm sorry but you have to bear with me for a couple of months till I get another alternative...

Like what they say, that is what sisters are for right? ........ *hugz*

What makes a good leader....

Today was a very disappointed day for me at work. After going thru 2 months of misery and torture doing my new role, finally I know why I am struggling so hard to adapt to it. It seems pretty clear to me that, my so-called management does not have a clear direction for all its team. I think not only me who feels the frustration but some of the country manager are uneasy with the way how our VP is leading this team.

Today, my email to request for country representative to collect feedback was the triggering factor that break the silent war between some managers. One after another start to pour out their thought on how confusing the way each segment is working with each other. All except my manager who thank all the manager's feedback and say she will clarify with the VP. Not a single word to defend me, nor try to explain and neutralize the situation. That is how weak my new manager is among her peers.

I'm truly disappointed with the kind of question that she asked me after the whole drama is over. Those are the type of questions she should know as my manager. I have been updating her with my progress status all this while. Guess it's either we have language gap issue (English is not her primary language) or she is just bring selective in listening. Whatever it is, it's not doing me any good.

Although she will help me to talk to her VP, but I feel that this is something she should have done 2 months back when she took over the team. Why now? After all the direction and guidance that she ask me to take, it's all base on zero knowledge of what she knows. Disappointing.....fail

Guess that is why I'm always hitting the dead zone. Blind leading the blind....cool eh...

I have always envy my colleague who have manager with good leadership. Immediately u can tell, he/she will share with u the vision and mission of the team and guide u all the way to reach the finishing line. They will always tell you, your success is my success.

Guess I'm always not in the luck to get a good manager. Could it be me who is expecting too much? Or just plain luck....I donno

Everyone can be a manager but not everyone can be a leader. I always believe this.....

Guess time for me to sleep amd put all the worries behind. I'm just too tired to think or even rant about it.....

Good night bad Thursday and welcome Good Friday,,,,..

Personality Reborn.....

Yesterday I had a short tea break session with a colleague of mine who is back in KL for a week. I was telling her the difficulty I'm having with my new role and she dragged me to pantry to share with me some advise and guidance. I felt so much better after talking to her.

Frankly, she used to be someone whom I'm not keen to work with. She is short tempered, very demanding and escalate all the way up if she don't get what she wants.

2 years back, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she was on prolong sickness leave for 6 months. When she was back to work, she was totally a new person. She is no longer that difficult to work with. A couple of months after she was back to work, she moved out from her sales team and join the operation team. In her new role, we did worked together in a couple of projects and to be honest, I find her so pleasant to work with. We became regular chit chat buddy when we moved to the new office.

I feel sad when she decided to move down to SG. On and off we do chat via the office communicator and we will always stop by each other's cubicle whenever we are on site, be it I'm in SG or she is in KL.

Well, I guess life experience can really change a person, be it his/her bad habits, in-born traits or personality. For her, I guess she learnt how to find peace with herself and it's easier to lead a life by helping people rather than making other people's life miserable.

Anxiety strike before the Monday sun rise....

It has been a while since I feel very anxious on the Sunday night. Tons of worries for unresolved issues, timeline to meet and challenges that i'm not able to overcome, will haunt my mind whenever I try to sleep.

The last time when I had this issue was 2 years back when I was put under a manager who changes her direction according to her mood. One day she is fine, the other day she will question you on your actions which you have reviewed with her.

Now, I'm back in this situation where I know what I need to deliver but the problem is, I donno how to achieve it. None of my team mate is able to help me, neither can my manager. Everyday I'm just running around in circle like a headless chicken, knocking on any possible door that I can find to look for answers.

Oh well maybe like what my partner AK said - I'm taking my work too personal. I just feel responsible on whatever that is assign to me and it's my job to start and complete it. Maybe I'm setting too high expectation on myself that is beyond what I can cope. Or maybe I'm just not planning out the right strategy. I donno and I seriously need guidance....

Well, it's about 12.05 am now and I'm still writing this post. Just hoping that after I have publish this, I will have a good night sleep through-out the whole night,

Wish me a good smooth sailing week ahead... ^^

Strong will to fight.....

Yes, finally it's that day of the week where I'm will wake up with a smile. It's the beginning of the weekend and I don't need to drag myself off the bed.

Today, out of the regular routine, we hire a temporary maid to come and clean the place. It has been a while since we really clean the place due to busy schedule and tiring weekdays. The last thing that u wanna spend your weekend is to clean the place. I used to do that but now, I just feel too tired to do it.

Around 9 am she rang the door bell. She seems like a pleasant lady with a big smile. She start working on the place till 5 pm and she still insist to continue. Many times we told her, it's ok to do it next time but she insist to finish off what she has started.

In between, I had a couple of small chat with her. Apparently, she is a mother of 2 and now her kids are in Indonesia with her mum. Her husband left her for another woman. That is why she have to stay on here to earn some good for her family. She hope the her kids will be with her but it is not possible to raise them in Malaysia with the her earnings. I feel sad for her....

At times like this, it always make me think. I guess we can be as strong as anyone else as long as we allow ourselves to stretch beyond our imaginary limits. Like in her case, whether she likes it or not, she still need to do what it takes to earn a living for her family.

I really admire her strength and her will to fight. Guess in any situation, we should not be asking ourselves, is the a solution to this problem. The question that we should be asking ourselves is, how far are we willing to go to get what we want.....

The power of "time-out"....

I was on Medical Leave for the past 2 days (Tues & Wed) and I was surprise how it helps me to be more alert and focus when I start work today. I believe everyone has their own limit that their body and mind can take and this is how your body alert you. No matter how far you want to go the distance (that only apply for Hercules....ok?), you need to acknowledge the limit that you can go. For me, a little time-out or personal ME-time will do lots of wonder....

I was able to achieve more today as compare to Monday and Tues morning where it took me like 30 mins to understand a 1 paragraph email. (Ugh....). That shows how unproductive I was on Tues morning. Well, at that point, I knew for a fact that, this is not gonna do me any good to continue putting pressure on myself, so I took the rest of the afternoon and wed off.

Today I feel rather OK when I'm able to sit down and slowly plan out my work. As I slowly arrange step by step and set priority (thanks to my dear for suggesting this), I feel more in control of the situation. I began to feel much better and the situation is not that bad after all. I guess in any situation, no one likes to be in the dark, not knowing what to do next, feeling lost and uncertain of what lies ahead of you.

I came across this motivational poster which I like the wordings a lot:

 Source : http://rishikajain.com/2012/05/16/beautiful-quote-3thought/

Lesson learn: I think there is no point for us to keep looking back and hit ourselves hard about the bad decisions that we have made in the past. Why not we channel our energy into making a better tomorrow, starting from now. 

Like what they say:

"No one can go back and change the past BUT anyone can start now and create a successful ending"

There were 3 things that my "sisters" said to me yesterday which I find it so true:

1. Mariah: (direct translation from cantonese) "Got hand, got leg, don't scare you will die of hunger"
2. Christina: "Don't ever forget the word "It Shall Pass"
3. Whitney: "The only thing constant is change. It is not the matter of how ready you are for a change but the question should be, is the change necessary?"

Sometimes, it is wise move to take a step back and listen to other people with an open mind..... ^_^

Tired........

For the past weeks, I have been very busy with work. Ever since I took up the new role back in Aug, life have been very tough for me. I'm constantly tired and and I don't have the energy to do aything else. My friends have been quite concern about how "drained" and "worn out" I look, not to mention all the pimples that surface up has made me look really fatique or like what they say "chan" in cantonese.

Sigh....

Yesterday morning, when I start downloading my email, I was going thru one after another. One problem after another, misalignment of project timeline and demanding emails come from country managers within our organization start to populate in my inbox. I was drown with mixture of feelings - worries, frustration, stress, anger and God knows what else I am feeling.

At this point, my head start spinning and I have a very bad headache. I guess it is an indication that this is how much my mind can take. No matter how much I tried to focus / think, my mind is just not with me anymore. I was struggling to plan, focus or even think what I should do next. So I told myself, I guess this is it. I really need to rest. So I email my boss and informed her that I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off.

I was relief after sending that email and getting a confirmation from her that she is ok. I turn off my laptop, carry Tezel into the room and take a short nap. The rest of the day was mainly a ME day for me. I went to Offgamers and collect my box set : World of Warcraft - Mist of Pandaria

Hooray for me.... ^_^

Guess I really need that little bit of distraction to clear my head and I was glad that for the rest of the night, I spent my time watching movie and playing a couple of quest in that game. 

Before I sleep, I told myself, I will only give myself until end of the year to decide if I want to continue with this job or I should switch. Now may not be the best time, judging from the fact that my 13 month salary and year end bonus (hopefully there will be) will be out soon. But by end of the year, it would be officially 4 months I am doing this role and I should an idea if this is the way to go or I should take my own seperate way......

I hope that things will be better in the next 3 months......wish me luck...

Fight or Flight.....

I took a day off today, particularly to fetch my partner back from airport. He was away for 2 months (business + personal). I was suppose to join him in US last month but due to some issues I had with my home loan, I postpone my trip to end of the year. Yes, you are right, this will be my first white X'mas in USA.

I woke up at 9 plus, only to know that his flight got delayed. Instead of afternoon, he will be reaching at night.

Humbug.....

Since I took a day off, I intend to make used if it to get a good rest. A well deserved rest that I am longing for since Aug-1. It has been a month since I took up this new role and I'm really struggling to fit into this role. Everyday I tell myself, things will slowly fold in nicely but part of my doubt that will I still be there to see how thing fold in nicely.

Part of me feel like quitting but another part of me feel that it's pointless to run away. If I want to progress and be somebody, I have to stay and fight instead of take my flight. Finger cross that 2 months down the road, things will be better when all merging and transformation project is stabilize.

Drained.......Merdeka Day

Today I woke up past 12 noon, yes....my whole morning was spent on dreamland. It has been a very tiring week for me with tons of stuff to do at work. I hardly have any time to do my personal stuff during office hours. Used to be able to keep up with my friends in Whatsapp and Facebook, but this few weeks, I was not able to keep up with any other activities except my work.

Gosh.....OMG.....sigh.....

Hope the few months down the road, things will be more settled down....

Finger cross..... >_<

Something unexpected.....

Today was another busy day for me at work. Basically I worked thru the whole day without any break. A lot of emails to attend to, a lot of u finished stuff and yada yada yada.....

Anyways, today was my first encounter with my new lady boss. I thought ahe'a gonna be a tough cookie with demanding and bossy attitude. I was wrong to stereotype. She turn out to be someone pretty approachable and practical. Someone who will go down to your level of details and brain storm with you. For that I salute her.....

I hope that this impression of her continue to stay if she ever takes up this role permanently. It has been a while since I have a manager whom I can see him/her as a leader.....

Princess Diaries.....

Princess Diaries - This used to be my favourite show a couple of years back and it's still is. Although it has a sequel to the first one but Princess Diaries 1 is still the best one ever....

The reason why I liked it so much is because I could relate my situation in that show. Not the princess part of coz but the part where she was invisible, having issues with low self esteem, fear of public speech, running away from situation she don't wanna face and etc; I used to be like that. In fact I still do at times but it's not working like how it used to anymore. Sad.....Guess at this juncture. running away does not solve my problems anymore. Problems that comes to me are problems that won't go away until I fix it and move on.

I really miss those times when I'm in my late teens and throughout my early twenties. All I have to worry about is me, myself and I. Life is so much easier. I have so much time to waste, so much time to slowly discover and decide what I wanna do, what I wanna be and how I wanna do it.

Now, I feel like a year passes like a month, a day just flew by like an hour. At times I don't even have time to catch a breathe and think. I'm always trying to catch up with time. I feel like I'm stuck in this situation whereby there are so many things I wanna do but so little time left. I feel the urge to do it now but I just don't have the time. Bahhh.....

Ironic kan?

Oh well, guess this is life when you step into this thing call 'adulthood'. Like they say, no point dwelling on the past, do something now to make a difference tomorrow.......

Learning curve....I'm missing the straight line now....-.-

It's almost 3 weeks now since I have officially took up this new role. My working mode has changed from 'plan then execute' mode to 'fire-fighting' mode. Day in day out I feel very busy working on my stuff, which I do not know what I have achieve in the end of the day.....sad kan?

I do hope that I will get thru this rough ride pretty soon. It is eating up a lot of my inner strength and I'm literally drained out by the end of the day. I'm so out of focus and I don't really know how to prioritize my work anymore. No point talking to my current boss as he's already 3/4 out of the picture. One thing that I don't like about his way of prioritization - 'drop everything and do what your boss ask you to do first'. He's so into pleasing his boss and that is the way he would like to groom us. Not really my kind of style. Hence, partly I'm hoping for his last day to come soon and i'm praying really hard for a true leader to replace him, someone whom I can respect and trust. It has been a while I have a good manager and at this current stage, I'm really in need of one....

One thing that i will look forward to everyday is to go back hone and look at the little who is very excited to see me. He will be wagging his tail and stare at me with his big black button eyes and run towards me the moment I let him out of his cage. No matter how tired I am, I couldn't resist pick him up, smell him and squeese him a bit.....

Aahhhh.....that is the beauty of having a dog as your companion. They will never get bored with you and they will never ever reject you when the whole world turn its back at you.....

I'm lucky to have Tezel at times like this......

Wish me luck guys,,..

A day worth remembering....

Last week my new boss scheduled for a face to face team meeting in SIngapore and both me and another collegue flew in on Thursday. Initially I was very excited about this meeting, mainly because this is the first time I get to put faces to all my new team member.

To my surprise, the day before my trip, my boss call for a session and told us we need to prepare some slides to present to our new VP. The meeting was meant for the core function lead and my new role require me to be one. I was freaking out badly. Asking me to present over the phone is no big deal for me, but face to face with the VP!!! *sweating....*

So the day when I flew in on Thurs, I spent the whole afternoon preparing the slides, rehersing for the flow of the presentation over and over again. I can't seems to fix on the content of my slides and I end up wasting a lot of time re-doing my slides.

Lesson learnt: ALWAYS have an objective and STAY FOCUS. Else you will chasing chicken around the farm

I had a quick dinner somewhere near the hotel and I thought of having a 30 mins hot bath will help to relax me. I read a book that I brought along., The title is "The Introverted Leader" by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler. I would strongly recommend this book to any introvert people like me to read this book. It is a total mind shift strategy which made me realise a lot of aspect which i never knew. The 4 P concept : Prepare - Presence - Push - Practise really made me think otherwise.

To make the story short, after a few cup of coffee and scratching my head to prepare the slides and reherase, I finally slept around 1 am.

When I woke up the next morning, I feel wasted but I told myself - This is it! This is the only chance I have to make an impression on my VP if I need him to support me to push for any future road blocks I have. It;s now or never!

So I got up, prpare myself and drag myself to office. In office, I saw my colleague was busy preparing and rehearsing as well coz this is going to be the first time we get to see our VP for the first time. As for me, it would be my direct reporting manager + VP.

The clock start ticking and finally I saw them. My boss walked in first then followed by a white guy. I was kinda surprise to see that my boss look pretty young. He's a chinese who married a Jap wife and he has that US accent and the charisma of a confident man. To ne honest, at that moment, he was the only eye candy for me.... ^_^

Next, my VP walked in, a tall, serious looking German guy walked in. He look good for someone his age, no tummy, well groomed and smart looking. But his face remains serious with no friendly smile. Sweet and Sour taste hit me at the same spot that time, making me....ughhh.... what I am suppose to do. He seems like someone who gets irritated easily (referring to my VP) and my boss, altho an eye candy, rumors says that he is someone that is selective in listening and commenting. So, here I am, alone in a room full of land mines, waiting to killed on the spot!

One after another, my collecgue "selling" themselve to the VP. Nice, beautiful & impressive slides keep flashing around the projector and one advantage they have is, they have been in that field for more than a year. So they just go glide thru swiftly and gracefully and both my boss and VP seems kinda please. My session was suppose to be after lunch....man, what a disaster. That is when they have recharge their energy and ready to shoot.

Lunch was Subway in a box. We all had our lunch together and my boss and VP seems more loosen now. I can see smile and jokes and at that moment, I feel sooooo relief that, he look so human now instead of the freaky diciplinary teacher. We had small talk and he does have his way of humor.

THe time has come for me to present. I stood up to present. Something I learnt from the book. One slide after another I share my views and opinion. My session was the most Q & A sesson. Both of them comment and asked question. I was really surprise with the level of details they are going into (question which I did not anticipate during my rehearsal). At the end of the presentation, I was surprise that I got compliment from them, saying that it was good, knowing the fact that I am new in this role. A lot of areas to improve and I need to buckle up a bit. That moment, I always fainted coz I thought I might be wipe out from the team for the lack of confident and knowledge I have in the area I'm suppose to be leading the region. PHEW....PHEW....PHEW.....

After the meeting ended, I got to know that my new boss will be leaving us and we will be working closely with our VP till his replacement comes in. I was surprise and sad at the same time, knowing that my eye candy will no longer be there. But again, guess everyone have their own priorities in life ad decisions to make. Before we call it a day, we all wrapped up and somehow my impression towards my new VP has changed tremendeously. I think he can be cheeky and playful but when it comes to work, he is serious and firm. Guess I have to get use to his working style and the best of all, I know for a fact that he is the type who give chance to his staff. For that, I salute and respect him to be our leader.

After a few session of teasing and joking, we all call it a day and I went back straight to the hotel and for the first time in this week, I slept around 8.30 pm and my mind was truly at peace.........

Friday : A day to look forward to.....

Guess what peepz, it's Friday....and NOPE, I'm not gonna sing "Friday by Rebecca Black"...
Although I like the tune & beat from that song.... not very much on her static facial expression throughout the whole video clip....

A couple of good news to start the day....

News #1:
2 of my close friends is coming down to KL for the weekend. That means this weekend will be so occupied with laughter and fun plan. A couple of things that we have plan so far:

• Spend the afternoon with a group of common friends
• In-house movie night - Genre : GHOST movie
• Watch Batman
• Go clubbing (maybe)
• err... guess the list will continue when they are here....

News #2:
Got to know from my team lead that one of my team mate will have a role in the future organization. This indeed made my day coz we have worked together closely for the past few months and he is a very nice guy to work with. Now that he will continue to stay in the team, I'm so very happy. However, some of my close colleague were impacted with the re-structuring. Some of them manage to secure a new role, but some were not so fortunate.

Conclusion: One thing that I learnt from this "Organization Tsunami" is that, it is very important to know how to work smart. Guess the era where you get rewarded for working hard is over. Now it's an era where you need to establish good level of networking and visibility to carry thru the rough times. I was lucky I survive, not very much because I work smart, but I was fortunate that opportunity comes to me at the right timing and I grab it. Else, I will be browsing Jobstreet by now instead of blogging about it.....

Anyways.... It's Friday...Friday.... woo hoo.... Relax and enjoy your weekend.... ^_^

Finally I see light at the end of the tunnel.....

Today my boss call for a meeting with a few of us, sharing with us our new roles and responsibilities, who will be our contact point moving forward and yada yada yada....Somehow I feel very relief that my main source of income will still go on, but I feel kinda sad for those who did not make it. I have joined this team 1 & 1/2 years ago and I grew to love my team mate. Although they can be quite superficial but I guess that is the kinda of mask you need to put on in the corporate world.

And yes, nothing change. I will officially be doing Total Customer Experience program from August onwards, main objective is to ensure that our customers are happy and satisfied with our products and services (deep down, like I care.... lolz). I know for a fact that my job security is safe for now, but for how long, no one knows. Like what they say, job is just a job, you should only allow it to be part of your life and not your whole entire life itself. Changes will always be there, either you like it or not.

You have a choice - fight or flight!!

So, I can say that things are getting better; my job is safe (for now....), Tezel (my dearest yorkie) is getting better and the number of fishes that died in my aquarium are getting lesser compare to few weeks back. Hope that I can now sit back and relax a bit before the next waves of problems come and hit me.

So for now....Chiilaxxxx..... ^_^

My blog is up....hooray

Finally my blog is up. Thanks to a friend of mine for the little push when we were chatting this morning.

I have read some very inspiring blogs and was determine to start one of my own. However, each time when I try to start one, I never get to finish it. Guess this is one of the bad habit that I have to kick it aside....

Anyways, now that it is finally up, I can start writting my thought .....