Tough days ahead.....

Next week will be quarter end in my company's financial calendar. I can foresee difficult hours and days ahead of me. Even now, I'm starting to feel the intense stress and pressure that will soon hit me in just a couple days time.

It's almost 3 months now that I am in this new job and frankly I am still unable to stand on my own feet. Almost every other day, I will do silly mistakes or asked dumb and silly questions. Day by day, my self-confidence gets lower and lower. Certain days, I would just stared at my laptop screen with an empty mind. My brain just went dead and my whole body felt like paralyzed. Sign of nervous breakdown, I suppose......

Lately i have been asking myself this question - how long can I stay in this role? How far more will I allow myself to over stretch my limit? it is now 3 months in this job and I'm already considering to turn in my resignation letter and end this misery once and for all. But then, how would I know if the next job will not be worse than this one. At least for now, I have great colleagues and a manager who have full confident in whatever I do. 

*yawnnnnnn*

Oh well, let's see how far I can stretched myself....I'm gonna sleep now....

Wish me luck.... 

Productive Sunday....

Unlike any other regular Sunday, it was quite a productive day for me. I went for piano class, did some laundry, practice some new songs on the piano, went out for lunch and I brought Tezel to the "Pet Fiesta" at Setia City Convention Centre.....

It was pretty hot when we arrived there. The place was pretty crowded with pet lovers from all ages. Some were walking proudly with their big dog like Golden Retriever, Husky and etc. Others were carrying their little toy breed (I'm one of them) in and out of the hall. 

The moment we walked in, I have to say, Tezel does have his way of getting people's attention with his bubbly, excitable yet energetic personality. With his tiny short leg and his doll-like face, he would shamelessly rushed to any dog owner and get their attention. While he was busy mingling around with a Shih Tzu, I saw a family pushing a trolley with 4 adorable Yorkie, all dress up with pretty ribbon and cute dresses. 

I walked over to greet them and within minutes, we were chit chatting like we have known each other for ages. Guess that is what happen when you have common topics to talk about. We talked lots of stuff, like how groom Yorkie, what to feed these little picky eater and surprisingly we came to know that we both got our Yorkie from the same breeder. While we were busy chit chatting, I noticed many people were mesmerized with Tezel and his new found friends. They walked over to touch them and took lots of photos of them (yes....deep down, I was feeling sooooo proud....hoho). 

After saying bye to my new friend, we spent some time exploring the indoor exhibition hall which were filled with pet related products and services. I was so tempted to buy some new toys for Tezel but I stopped myself...eventually. I know for a fact that Tezel have way too many toys to play with, so it would be a waste if money if I get him any new ones. 

Once we were done with the indoor hall, we took Tezel out to the field for a walk. He was very VERY excited to see other dogs running around, chasing each other and playing catch with their owner. Looking at how happy Tezel was today, deep down I felt so happy and satisfied. 

We headed home and I gave Tezel a long warm bath, just to make sure there were no lice or ticks that got onto his body. While I am now typing this post, both Tezel and my partner were snoring their way thru dreamland. Tho it was a very tiring afternoon, I'm happy that I get to spend a quality day with Tezel and A (my partner)......

Gloomy Weekend....

It has been raining almost every day lately, but still we have insufficient water issue. Majority of the household within Klang valley are going thru "water rationing" exercise where we will have water supply for 2 days and the next 2 days without water....it made me wonder, how can there be insufficient water when the rain is pouring almost everyday for the past 2 weeks.... Pathetic right....

Oh well...I tend to be a bit emotional when it's raining. I'm not sure it's because of the gloominess of the sky that affects my mood or it's just purely me.... Anyways I decided to pen down some thoughts in my little blog which I have abandoned for a quite a "while".

A quick tour down memory lane, 3 major events happened from where I left out in my last post back in 2013:

- I managed to sell off my previous car and got a new hybrid car

- I quit my job after having a huge fight with my ex manager and decided to join back to my previous company

- I took up piano lesson right after Chinese New Year and got myself a digital piano to practice 

When I stepped into 2014, I told myself that I will try my best to make this year a good year for me. Well, for a start, I'm pretty happy with my new car and the fuel consumption. Instead of paying RM 80+ every week, I'm now paying RM 80 for every 2 weeks. *smiling* 

I'm also pretty proud of myself for having the courage to move my first step out of my comfort zone and signed up for piano classes. Within 2 months, I'm able to read basic musical notes and play simple song like "Jingle Bell"....with 2 hands.... Yay to myself and my music teacher for being so patience with me. You know who you are..... Lol

I think at this juncture, the only thing that is dragging me down is my job. I'm really having a very tough time trying to adapt to the nature of the job. I worked till 7 plus or 8 everyday and yet i'm not able to catch up on time. After 3 months, I'm still doing silly mistakes and I'm still as blur as sotong in my day to day task. I'm very dependent on my senior and my manager to get things moving. To make matter worse, this job requires me to proactively engage and reach out to people and convince them to change. This is so not my true nature. With all this combined, it is making me feel so incompetent and useless by the end of each day. I hate this feeling and it is hurting my self esteem and confidence pretty bad. I don't know why it's so difficult to get things right, perhaps this is way too out of my league. Before I started this job, I knew for a fact I'm not a good match for this role. But I was desperate to leave my previous job, so I decided to take up this challenge blindly. 3 months down the road, I'm questioning myself, why didn't I considered all the possible consequences before deciding.

Anyways, what was done cannot be undone now. I will just have to look forward and move on. I think I wanna go for a nice dessert to cheer myself up. Or maybe I will catch a movie since the rain has stopped. Or maybe I will stock up some junk food and watch some movies at home tonight. Till then......sayonara for now.....

I will be back for more whining sessions.... Lol. 

Stay tune...

Dilemma again....

I'm in a dilemma to decide if I should change my job again. I didn't expect this to come so soon. It has only been 8 months down the journey with my current company and I'm feeling tempted to make a move already ....

Sigh....

All this started after I had my mid year review with my manager. After 30 mind of going thru my objectives and achievements, we went into an open topic discussion whereby I told him how I feel about my job. I told him I feel a bit demotivated because the team that I am supporting does not always get me involved in their game plan. I'm suppose to provide analysis and strategic analytics but how am I suppose to do that if I'm not sure what will be our end game? Most of the time, I'm doing random analysis which make sense to me but I'm sure it does not always make sense to them. Due to this disconnect engagement model that we have been operating on, I felt left out and I don't feel the sense of belonging. 

We talked about a couple of other things as well, such as my heavy workload, i feel underpaid for the things i am doing and things other stuff along that line but, the main topic in that discussion was mainly about how demotivated I felt. I think my manager could sense that I'm in the verge of abandoning this ship, therefore he took me out for a drink, not knowing that a drink with me does not solve issues like any other straight guys would... Lol

Anyways, from there on, I sorta start hinting my circle of coworkers and past colleagues about my intention to look for another opportunity. My prayers were answered when one of my past colleague got promoted recently, told me she has openings in her team. She approached me with the offer and asked me to consider. I have to say, the first time she talked to me, I wasn't interested at all, hence I turned her down. But after a couple of persuasion and explaining the actual job scope, it sorta caught my interests. Hence I agree to give it a try. 

I thought things will come easy but I was so wrong to think that way. After talking to her manager, he sort of doubt her judgement and asked her to pull in another peers of her to interview me as a neutral observer. Somehow deep down I knew that her manager have someone else in his mind to full this vacancy. 

So my dilemma lies between this 2 options. Should I stay and continue doing my current work which is rather dry, aimless BUT stable, secure and more lay back environment OR... go ahead and try out the new opportunity which is more challenging, fast pace and I'm pretty positive that it will be more tense and stressful. Frankly I don't know. This is something I hate about making decision coz the first thing that I want to avoid is getting myself into a worse situation that I am currently in. But again, I bet everyone wants the same thing as well. Well instead of asking myself 'Is this a good move?', I should ask myself 'Do I want to change my current situation now?'. Coz if I do, I need to take up something new or take chances with other opportunities that comes my way. Otherwise, I will be exactly where I am currently for the next couple of months or maybe years....

Tough choice eh? Frankly I don't have the answer now... Hopefully after a short nap and a good shower will help me see things in a better perspective... ^_^

I'm officially a Landlord....

.

I did exactly what is shown in the photo, passing my house key to a stranger call 'my tenant' on 19-Aug. And yes.....My condo is officially rented out and that made me the landlord. 

Maybe a little bit about my tenant. He's 2 years my senior, Chinese, Perodua car dealer and he will be staying with his GF. He seems like a nice fellar, typical salesman kind of personality, firm hand-shake and eager to talk in order to spice up the environment. 

Deep down, I do hope that he will turn up to be a good tenant and I can continue to rent out to him to ease down a bit on my finances. Guess only time will tell.....

Time to change car?

By end of this year, my car will turn 5 years old. At this juncture, I'm considering should I change to a new car or continue driving this current one? Yesterday itself, I spent close to 1K for regular servicing, got my front brake changed and serviced the air-con. Next week I can foresee another big hole in my pocket because I need to send to the workshop again to repair some annoying sound from my left rear tyre which has been bugging me for almost 3 weeks. Bummer....

In my last couple of visits to Honda workshop, I have been spending an average of 400-500 ringgit, just for regular servicing. It used to be around 150-200 ringgit. The moment it hits 50,000 KM, the cost for regular maintenance shoot up high. *sigh*

When I bought my car back in 2008, my plan was to change my car every 5 years. I know for a fact that cars nowadays are not built to last. Back in the olden days, it's quite common you see people driving a 20 to 30 year old car. Now? The moment your car celebrate its 5th or 6th birthday, the cost of maintaining it starts to get relatively high. Things will start to break down slowly but surely.

I think I will still stick to Japanese brand instead of Taiwan/Korea made car. Though they have really good design and interesting gadget like what you can find in Hyundai / Kia. Time to do some survey on the car model available in the market again......

New addition to the family....

Introducing a new member of the family...Bailey

Well, it's not exactly new anymore coz she has been with us for 5 weeks now.

Yup, I got another new female yorkie pup from the same breeder. 

I had this intention since last year when I decided to get my mum a female pup. She gets so attached to Tezel each time I go back. I guess partly she has given up hope and tired of waiting for me to make her a grandchild to play with. Hence, she resorted her grandmotherly love to a 4 legged furbabies instead. Hence, I tried to contact the breeder since 2012 but I failed, right till somewhere June this year, she finally replied my email. She told me she was away from the country and she is not actively doing Yorkie breeding business anymore. I was so excited to know from her that her sister/friend got a female pup. 

Notice why I use the term sister/friend? Well, there's some story behind that rationale. Right from the beginning, I have always suspected that the breeder (a lady in her 40s, I think) and her "sister" (a lady in her late 30s) were couple. 2 years back when I bought Tezel, they introduced themselves as sister. However, this time round, she was referred to as friend, or sometimes sister. How can one be your sister 2 years back and now she is your friend? Weird? Yes....I felt the same way too. I was telling my partner, maybe they have broke up or decided to go their own ways.....

So, Bailey is a 5 months old, female Yorkie, hyper active and extremely playful. To a certain extend, I'm a bit skeptical that she might be a result of cross-breeding with silky terrier coz her facial feature seems longer than Tezel's. Well, my mum, like many other people who have seen Tezel and Bailey, commented that Tezel looks more cute, Tezel behaves better and blah blah blah....BUT deep down, I knew she has her eyes on Bailey, or that is what I'm hoping for, coz I will never EVER give up Tezel to anyone.

Well, if you put both of them side by side, I think you will mistaken Tezel as female and Bailey as male Yorkie. Here you go.....tell me what you think?

** Top 2: Tezel; Bottom 2: Bailey **

However, personally I think Tezel has a more doll-like face as compare to Bailey. Even when he was about Bailey's age. Look at this comparison instead.....both at 4 months old

** Top & Bottom Left: Bailey; Top & Bottom Right: Tezel **

I guess both has their own charm....don't you think so? 

I'm currently keeping Bailey with me till she is potty train and more stabilize. Then, I will pass her on to my mum. She does sent me off the ceiling at times by:

• eating her poo some times
• being too hyper active that she barks a lot
• She's more "butch" then Tezel, hence that made Tezel afraid of her
• She is still teething, so she chewed on anything she sees
• She will push the "fence/barrier" thingy around each time I put her inside
• many to go.... but those are getting less as she hit 5th month

Oh well, despite all the complains and frustrations I had towards her, I know that deep down, I will definitely miss her when she is living with my mum. Till that day comes, I will continue to embrace the positive and negative moments I had with her and cherish those moments...... hard being a parents eh?