Visit to the clinic...

My eyes were red, swollen and watery with lots of discharge since Saturday. This weekend has been a very challenging weekend for me - running nose, sore throat, mild fever and lastly 'red eyes'.

When i woke up this morning, i noticed that all the symptom has subside, except for the eye. It was still watery with lots of yellowish discharge. That made me decide to work from home (not that I am complaining but I sure do miss my flexibility to work from virtually anywhere like how I used to in my previous company) for the day, just to avoid getting blamed for infecting my other narrow minded, conservative colleagues.

I start checking my email at 6.30 am (my job support Australia team, so my working hours has to follow their time zone) and by the time I cleared and complete those important stuff, it was about 9.45 am (time flies.....)

I took a quick shower, pack my stuff, search for my dumb, ridiculous 'Medical Book' from the company (ya, what era are they still in, I wonder) and off to the clinic. One thing that all clinic has in common are, their staff will greet you with a very 'sour' face. Just imagine this, you are sick, you are in pain and yet you are still being greeted by a 'soury and bitterful' face.... Bummer

30 mins has past and I'm still waiting for my turn. The clinic is not that crowded and I'm just curious what is taking them so long.....

Wonder how long is this gonna be ....
Sigh

New Inspiration.....

I met up with my ex-colleague a couple of days back for lunch. She seems all chirpy and bubbly after she left the company. She look so different from 3 weeks back, when she was still sitting next to me. Her signature look on a daily basis would be - gloomy face, lifeless expression on her face, messy hair and she has the look as though she might suddenly go berserk and jump off the building. Yes, it is that serious.

Her problem was her working relationship with her manager which resulted in a lot of conflicts and misunderstanding. Their character and personalities clashes with one another from all aspect - communication, trust, views and suggestion, personal preference and values, personality and the list goes on. What I can say is, it's purely a formula to disaster if they continue fighting and dragging each other down.

As a colleague, I was sad that she decided to leave. That means I will lose my lunch buddy but as a friend, I'm truly happy for her. I told her, it's the right decision to move on and experience the life that she deserve.

So, lunch with her was superb - enjoyed her bubbly presence, filled with jokes and laughter for that the entire hour. Ahh... I do miss those days when she was around in the office. In fact, she was one of my motivation to go to office.

So, in the past 2 weeks, I'm surprise with the amount of achievement that she has progressed. She started her own travel blog last week and guess what, in just a week, people are paying her money to put advertisement in her blog. Honestly, I was truly shocked and amazed with what she has achieved in just 2 weeks. Although it's not a big amount but it is INDEED the first step to everything. I told her how happy I was for her and she should be proud of what she has achieved so far. She told me one thing, which really hit me hard. She said - "I won't have done it without your support and advise. You helped me find my courage to make this step and for that, I'm grateful to have known you".

Wow...OMG.... *kembang nia I.....*

To be honest, I never see this coming and I was shocked. She did called me almost everyday to talk about the difficult sessions she had with her manager. At times, she almost burst into tears by just talking about it. What I did was just listen to her, try to encouraged her and motivates her. Of coz most sessions, we end up doing what we do best - bitching together her about her manager. I find that gives her a lot of comforts and satisfaction but I wasn't aware that it helps her to find her hidden courage.

Hmm.... in the past couple of days, I was not feeling so well. So I spent most of the time lying on the bed, watching "Desperate Housewives" and it sort of makes me think. If I can motivates and empower another person to fight for their dreams, why can't I do the same for myself. I know, it sounded kinda drama but it does flick some switches in my mind.

2 things I have always wanted to do but I did not act on it - pet and baking. I guess I'm gonna start exploring what I can do about pets and baking instead of whining, complaining and procrastinating about it. So, ladies and gentlemen.... wish me luck coz in the next couple of months, I'm gonna start getting my hands dirty on some of the things I hope to do.....

Stay tune......

I will start writting again.....

I guess most of you would agree with me that time flies faster than you can ever imagine. I do realize that my last post was somewhere end of last year but I couldn't imagine that it was 5 months ago.

W-O-W

I remembered a couple of weeks back, one of my "sister" asked me, why didn't I start blogging again. That triggered me to ask myself - what was the one thing that pushed me to start up a blog. One of the reason why I started writting is because I was complaining a lot about my job and I'm tired of taking about the same old thing to the same people again and again. I started to keep it all to myself and it made me more miserable. That is when Mariah (one of my close gay friend) suggested to me, why not I pen down my thoughts instead of keeping all the negative thoughts in me.

So, I started my first post back in Jul-12. After I registered an account, I was so excited that I can finally spill everything out. I was so eager to type out all the complains and surprisingly, after 30 mins of typing, what I had was a single paragraph with 3 sentences.

I was stunned and shocked !

Putting your thoughts in words are not as easy as speaking your mind out. It needs you to think, organize and group your thoughts in a manner that it deliver the message that you intend to convey. That is when, I start to feel bad for putting my friends thru a 30 mins to 1 hour of unorganised, unclear and confusing conversation.

After reading thru a couple of blogs today (I have not read any in the last couple of months), suddenly it inspired me to write again. It made me realise the importance of "why we need to do the thinking process".

Yes, I bet you may have guess, it took me more than 30 mins to gather my thought in this post. For some of you who knows me well, I'm sure you can tell how "disoriented" my thoughts are by reading thru what I'm trying to say....

Sigh.... Oh well, that shows that I'm just human.
I will do better..... I hope... :D

Sick season...

Lately a lot of people were down with flu, cough, fever and etc. That is inclusive of my partner with his on-off high fever for the past 1 week, a couple of my colleagues and my best 'sistar'. For me, I have been trying to suppress my fever cum flu from surfacing but no matter how hard I tried, it managed to find his way out. Yesterday my cough started and I had some low grade fever. Took some panadol and cough mixture and I slept like a pig.

In terms of job, finally my boss dragged me aside and asked me what's the reason behind my resignation. Told her 2 main contributing factors - I'm not happy with what I am currently doing and the compensation package that I am getting today does not match with the workload that I'm managing.

I guess by formality, she tried to persuade me to stay, promised me that she will propose for a promotion and salary adjustment next year (yes, not immediate...what a way to counter propose, right?). This part was pleasant to hear and that's more. she said I will still have to continue doing what I am doing in 2013. I'm like WTH....duhhh...didn't I just told her I'm not happy with my job? How can that be part of something that is suppose to convince me to stay? *sigh*

Frankly I have nothing against the nature of my current role. Doing program management is indeed challenging and very engaging. You feel very much in control of how you want to drive your program and the result is purely based on your contribution. It's like how you want to groom / mould your baby into an adult that you would like to see. The problem that I'm constantly facing has always been the lack of management direction and support. I'm so tired of getting a couple of outsider's support to help me clean up my own household mess (convince my own VP and his management team to execute something).

Yes, ironic kan? Your manager and the whole board of management are suppose to stand behind you and support you all the way. They are NOT suppose to be 'the obstacle' that you need to fight off with your extended team. Penat lagi geram....

Anyways, to cut story short, I told her I will reconsider (just not to let her down immediately) and will get back to her the following day.

If you ask me, am I having second thought about my new job? The answer is - NO WAY.....lol

Decision made.....

After several rounds of consideration, I have finally decided to take up the offer from the new company and move on. I have to let go some of my current privilege such as working from home, flexible working schedule and hours but I think it's worth the sacrifice.

I have been very down and demotivated with my current job (soon to be my previous...^_^). I always thought that it was due to my limited experience and exposure that is dragging me down. But, if I were to sit down and evaluate the number of achievements and accomplishments that I have made in the past 3 months, it's not that bad after all. From someone timid who is not comfortable to stand up and present in a group of 4 and more, I think I made a huge progress. I never knew I was able to do more than I expected.

In the past 3 months, I did the following:

1. Manage to keep the plane flying above the ground for a regional program that I have no clue what it's all about until July this year
2. Manage and drive a group of country team to achieved a regional objective (although it's not that much of an improvement but I manage to stabilize and keep the new team member up to speed)
3. Give training and promote my program to a group of sales agent to get their support
4. Do results sharing and program overview with all the regional and country leadership including my VP
5. Gain respect and support from my external counter-part from Europe and America
6. From a nobody to somebody in my domain (people start coming to me for information, joint effort, collaboration of program and etc)

I think I achieved quite a fair bit in 4 months period. I know it's not a huge milestone from the management point of view but from a personal perspective, I think I deserve a tap on my own shoulder. Part of me feel that I should continue fighting this battle and gain more exposure and experience but I think this is not a suitable platform for me. No doubt I'm starting to like my job, the challenges and the creative side of it but unfortunately I'm in a team who does not see the value in this program. I know for a fact that no matter how much contribution I made, it will all slip thru the eyes of the management.

On 14-Nov-2012, finally I click on the "Send" button and submit my official resignation letter to my manager. She just replied my mail and scheduled a meeting with me on Monday to discuss about this. Partly I feel like replying back to her - "It's OK, I have made up my mind so let's skip to the last part where we get HR to process my resignation".

Oh well, if you ask me, am I excited about my new job? I would say, yeah I am but at the same time I'm having mixed feeling about leaving my current job. Not because of the job or the current management team that I am working for, but my fellow colleagues who have smiled and cried with me during difficult times in the past 5 years. They are the reason why i was hesitated in the first place. Well, like they say, every beginning will start from an ending. Guess it is time that I move out from my comfort zone and explore a new horizon.

Separation Anxiety.....

It's one of those regular Saturday when the maid is here to clean the place. I'm just sitting together with Tezel (my Yorkie) and Jack (my friend's silky) while waiting for the room to be cleaned.

I used to think that Tezel have serious case of Separation Anxiety till I babysit Jack. He is really 5 times worse than Tezel. He get anxious the moment I stepped out of the room or go downstairs. He will start whinning and make all sorts of unsettling sound and ultimately he will barking like no tomorrow. So you can imagine, each time u leave him behind, you have like 3-4 mins timer before he start barking.

I know he is scare of the new environment, insecure and not having his owner around him. He is confuse and at the same time worried if his owner will ever come back for him. Every now and then he will look at the door, waiting and hoping that my friend will appear at the door to bring him home. Well, I do hope that Jack will feel more at ease soon.....

Should I stay or should I go....

  

I have been asking myself this questions for the past few days.

Yes, I got the job offer which came as a surprise to me. I'm still feeling the after shock effect from the fact that I got the job within the next working day after my interview. This is the fastest job offering opportunity in my entire career life for tha past 12 years. I was expecting them to get back to me in a weeks time or some may not even bother to call me back to tell me I didn't get the job.

When the head hunter guy called me and inform me the news, I was shocked!

HH : Hey bro, good news la. They agreed to all your terms and they are preparing the offer letter and working out the overall package for you. I will let you know once it's ready for you to go sign the letter.

Me: Huh? What? Are you telling me they are offering me the job? But the interview was last week and the following day was a Public Holiday and weekend.

HH : Yes la bro. They feel that you are a perfect match for this role and they would like to speed up the process of getting you in as soon as possible. They were planning to buy you over from your company but due to your personal trip by the end of the year, they agree to wait.

Me : (still shocked and speechless).... ermm.... 1 direct question if you don't mind

HH : Sure bro....ask

Me : Am I the only candidate ?

That Head Hunter guy continue on with his well-polished explaination that they choose me coz of my relevant experience and yada...... yada..... yada.....

They agreed to gave me the expected salary I asked for and best of all, they have no problem with me starting work from mid of January onwards. I thought the 2 month notice would turn them away because of the fact that they are desperate to get someone immediately to fill in the job. Maybe in a long run, it's worth waiting for 2 months instead of spending the next 6 months training someone new.

The job scope is almost identical to what I have done 5 years ago when I joined my current company. Although all my friends are really excitedfor me about my new job, but deep down I don't sare the same intense of excitement that they are feeling. I know this sound weird but I just have some hesitation. I'm stuck with this question to myself:

"Am I going backwards instead of progressing if I take this job?"

Deep down I'm truly happy that I can leave my current role which is so frustrating and stressful but on the other hand, it is giving me a chance to learn new responsibility. I know I bitch a lot about it, dragging myself to work, complaining and whinning about how it is killing me in terms of my motivation, my morale, my will to fight and the list goes on.

My career line has not been in a straight line. I have been in multiple industry and job.
Here goes the list which started back in 2000:

• 1st job : 7-eleven retail assistant
• 2nd Job : Factory working in some jewelry industry
• 3rd Job : QC Documentation Controller in manufacturing industry
• 4th Job : Business Development Executive in Education industry
• 5th Job : Taxation assistant (contract)
• 6th Job : Property Management Officer in one of the condo
• 7th Job : Program Management Coordinator (Sub con factory)
• 8th Job : Database Analyst in PC industry
• 9th Job : Contact Center Reporting Analyst in PC industry
• 10th Job : Contact Center Operation Lead (regional) in PC industry
• 11th Job : Program Manager in PC industry (current)
• 12th Job : Regional Business Analyst in Consumer industry (future)

For the past 12 years of working, I have landed in 11 different roles where from Job# 9 to Job# 11 are in my current company. My new job will be almost identical to Job# 9 but different coverage.I'm having this crazy thought that I'm going backwards instead of learning new things and progressing. Why I'm excited is merely just a chance for me to stop doing what I am doing now and leave.

On one hand, I'm excited about getting out of this pain but on the other hand, I'm hesitating with no strong valid reason why. It's just mixture of feeling. I know I'm not a very career minded person, not someone who wish to rule a company or monopolize a specific market. I'm just someone who would like to have a stabil income to get on with life's challenges and expectations. Guess partly I know I will be leaving the group of colleagues that have gone thru ups and downs with me for the last 5 years or maybe I'm having this fear to move out from my comfort zone for the past 5 years and move on to a new unknown territory.

Hhmm.... hope that this weekend will shed some lights for me to realise what will be the best for me....

Happy Belated Halloween guys.....