Strong will to fight.....

Yes, finally it's that day of the week where I'm will wake up with a smile. It's the beginning of the weekend and I don't need to drag myself off the bed.

Today, out of the regular routine, we hire a temporary maid to come and clean the place. It has been a while since we really clean the place due to busy schedule and tiring weekdays. The last thing that u wanna spend your weekend is to clean the place. I used to do that but now, I just feel too tired to do it.

Around 9 am she rang the door bell. She seems like a pleasant lady with a big smile. She start working on the place till 5 pm and she still insist to continue. Many times we told her, it's ok to do it next time but she insist to finish off what she has started.

In between, I had a couple of small chat with her. Apparently, she is a mother of 2 and now her kids are in Indonesia with her mum. Her husband left her for another woman. That is why she have to stay on here to earn some good for her family. She hope the her kids will be with her but it is not possible to raise them in Malaysia with the her earnings. I feel sad for her....

At times like this, it always make me think. I guess we can be as strong as anyone else as long as we allow ourselves to stretch beyond our imaginary limits. Like in her case, whether she likes it or not, she still need to do what it takes to earn a living for her family.

I really admire her strength and her will to fight. Guess in any situation, we should not be asking ourselves, is the a solution to this problem. The question that we should be asking ourselves is, how far are we willing to go to get what we want.....

The power of "time-out"....

I was on Medical Leave for the past 2 days (Tues & Wed) and I was surprise how it helps me to be more alert and focus when I start work today. I believe everyone has their own limit that their body and mind can take and this is how your body alert you. No matter how far you want to go the distance (that only apply for Hercules....ok?), you need to acknowledge the limit that you can go. For me, a little time-out or personal ME-time will do lots of wonder....

I was able to achieve more today as compare to Monday and Tues morning where it took me like 30 mins to understand a 1 paragraph email. (Ugh....). That shows how unproductive I was on Tues morning. Well, at that point, I knew for a fact that, this is not gonna do me any good to continue putting pressure on myself, so I took the rest of the afternoon and wed off.

Today I feel rather OK when I'm able to sit down and slowly plan out my work. As I slowly arrange step by step and set priority (thanks to my dear for suggesting this), I feel more in control of the situation. I began to feel much better and the situation is not that bad after all. I guess in any situation, no one likes to be in the dark, not knowing what to do next, feeling lost and uncertain of what lies ahead of you.

I came across this motivational poster which I like the wordings a lot:

 Source : http://rishikajain.com/2012/05/16/beautiful-quote-3thought/

Lesson learn: I think there is no point for us to keep looking back and hit ourselves hard about the bad decisions that we have made in the past. Why not we channel our energy into making a better tomorrow, starting from now. 

Like what they say:

"No one can go back and change the past BUT anyone can start now and create a successful ending"

There were 3 things that my "sisters" said to me yesterday which I find it so true:

1. Mariah: (direct translation from cantonese) "Got hand, got leg, don't scare you will die of hunger"
2. Christina: "Don't ever forget the word "It Shall Pass"
3. Whitney: "The only thing constant is change. It is not the matter of how ready you are for a change but the question should be, is the change necessary?"

Sometimes, it is wise move to take a step back and listen to other people with an open mind..... ^_^

Tired........

For the past weeks, I have been very busy with work. Ever since I took up the new role back in Aug, life have been very tough for me. I'm constantly tired and and I don't have the energy to do aything else. My friends have been quite concern about how "drained" and "worn out" I look, not to mention all the pimples that surface up has made me look really fatique or like what they say "chan" in cantonese.

Sigh....

Yesterday morning, when I start downloading my email, I was going thru one after another. One problem after another, misalignment of project timeline and demanding emails come from country managers within our organization start to populate in my inbox. I was drown with mixture of feelings - worries, frustration, stress, anger and God knows what else I am feeling.

At this point, my head start spinning and I have a very bad headache. I guess it is an indication that this is how much my mind can take. No matter how much I tried to focus / think, my mind is just not with me anymore. I was struggling to plan, focus or even think what I should do next. So I told myself, I guess this is it. I really need to rest. So I email my boss and informed her that I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off.

I was relief after sending that email and getting a confirmation from her that she is ok. I turn off my laptop, carry Tezel into the room and take a short nap. The rest of the day was mainly a ME day for me. I went to Offgamers and collect my box set : World of Warcraft - Mist of Pandaria

Hooray for me.... ^_^

Guess I really need that little bit of distraction to clear my head and I was glad that for the rest of the night, I spent my time watching movie and playing a couple of quest in that game. 

Before I sleep, I told myself, I will only give myself until end of the year to decide if I want to continue with this job or I should switch. Now may not be the best time, judging from the fact that my 13 month salary and year end bonus (hopefully there will be) will be out soon. But by end of the year, it would be officially 4 months I am doing this role and I should an idea if this is the way to go or I should take my own seperate way......

I hope that things will be better in the next 3 months......wish me luck...

Fight or Flight.....

I took a day off today, particularly to fetch my partner back from airport. He was away for 2 months (business + personal). I was suppose to join him in US last month but due to some issues I had with my home loan, I postpone my trip to end of the year. Yes, you are right, this will be my first white X'mas in USA.

I woke up at 9 plus, only to know that his flight got delayed. Instead of afternoon, he will be reaching at night.

Humbug.....

Since I took a day off, I intend to make used if it to get a good rest. A well deserved rest that I am longing for since Aug-1. It has been a month since I took up this new role and I'm really struggling to fit into this role. Everyday I tell myself, things will slowly fold in nicely but part of my doubt that will I still be there to see how thing fold in nicely.

Part of me feel like quitting but another part of me feel that it's pointless to run away. If I want to progress and be somebody, I have to stay and fight instead of take my flight. Finger cross that 2 months down the road, things will be better when all merging and transformation project is stabilize.