Sick season...

Lately a lot of people were down with flu, cough, fever and etc. That is inclusive of my partner with his on-off high fever for the past 1 week, a couple of my colleagues and my best 'sistar'. For me, I have been trying to suppress my fever cum flu from surfacing but no matter how hard I tried, it managed to find his way out. Yesterday my cough started and I had some low grade fever. Took some panadol and cough mixture and I slept like a pig.

In terms of job, finally my boss dragged me aside and asked me what's the reason behind my resignation. Told her 2 main contributing factors - I'm not happy with what I am currently doing and the compensation package that I am getting today does not match with the workload that I'm managing.

I guess by formality, she tried to persuade me to stay, promised me that she will propose for a promotion and salary adjustment next year (yes, not immediate...what a way to counter propose, right?). This part was pleasant to hear and that's more. she said I will still have to continue doing what I am doing in 2013. I'm like WTH....duhhh...didn't I just told her I'm not happy with my job? How can that be part of something that is suppose to convince me to stay? *sigh*

Frankly I have nothing against the nature of my current role. Doing program management is indeed challenging and very engaging. You feel very much in control of how you want to drive your program and the result is purely based on your contribution. It's like how you want to groom / mould your baby into an adult that you would like to see. The problem that I'm constantly facing has always been the lack of management direction and support. I'm so tired of getting a couple of outsider's support to help me clean up my own household mess (convince my own VP and his management team to execute something).

Yes, ironic kan? Your manager and the whole board of management are suppose to stand behind you and support you all the way. They are NOT suppose to be 'the obstacle' that you need to fight off with your extended team. Penat lagi geram....

Anyways, to cut story short, I told her I will reconsider (just not to let her down immediately) and will get back to her the following day.

If you ask me, am I having second thought about my new job? The answer is - NO WAY.....lol

Decision made.....

After several rounds of consideration, I have finally decided to take up the offer from the new company and move on. I have to let go some of my current privilege such as working from home, flexible working schedule and hours but I think it's worth the sacrifice.

I have been very down and demotivated with my current job (soon to be my previous...^_^). I always thought that it was due to my limited experience and exposure that is dragging me down. But, if I were to sit down and evaluate the number of achievements and accomplishments that I have made in the past 3 months, it's not that bad after all. From someone timid who is not comfortable to stand up and present in a group of 4 and more, I think I made a huge progress. I never knew I was able to do more than I expected.

In the past 3 months, I did the following:

1. Manage to keep the plane flying above the ground for a regional program that I have no clue what it's all about until July this year
2. Manage and drive a group of country team to achieved a regional objective (although it's not that much of an improvement but I manage to stabilize and keep the new team member up to speed)
3. Give training and promote my program to a group of sales agent to get their support
4. Do results sharing and program overview with all the regional and country leadership including my VP
5. Gain respect and support from my external counter-part from Europe and America
6. From a nobody to somebody in my domain (people start coming to me for information, joint effort, collaboration of program and etc)

I think I achieved quite a fair bit in 4 months period. I know it's not a huge milestone from the management point of view but from a personal perspective, I think I deserve a tap on my own shoulder. Part of me feel that I should continue fighting this battle and gain more exposure and experience but I think this is not a suitable platform for me. No doubt I'm starting to like my job, the challenges and the creative side of it but unfortunately I'm in a team who does not see the value in this program. I know for a fact that no matter how much contribution I made, it will all slip thru the eyes of the management.

On 14-Nov-2012, finally I click on the "Send" button and submit my official resignation letter to my manager. She just replied my mail and scheduled a meeting with me on Monday to discuss about this. Partly I feel like replying back to her - "It's OK, I have made up my mind so let's skip to the last part where we get HR to process my resignation".

Oh well, if you ask me, am I excited about my new job? I would say, yeah I am but at the same time I'm having mixed feeling about leaving my current job. Not because of the job or the current management team that I am working for, but my fellow colleagues who have smiled and cried with me during difficult times in the past 5 years. They are the reason why i was hesitated in the first place. Well, like they say, every beginning will start from an ending. Guess it is time that I move out from my comfort zone and explore a new horizon.

Separation Anxiety.....

It's one of those regular Saturday when the maid is here to clean the place. I'm just sitting together with Tezel (my Yorkie) and Jack (my friend's silky) while waiting for the room to be cleaned.

I used to think that Tezel have serious case of Separation Anxiety till I babysit Jack. He is really 5 times worse than Tezel. He get anxious the moment I stepped out of the room or go downstairs. He will start whinning and make all sorts of unsettling sound and ultimately he will barking like no tomorrow. So you can imagine, each time u leave him behind, you have like 3-4 mins timer before he start barking.

I know he is scare of the new environment, insecure and not having his owner around him. He is confuse and at the same time worried if his owner will ever come back for him. Every now and then he will look at the door, waiting and hoping that my friend will appear at the door to bring him home. Well, I do hope that Jack will feel more at ease soon.....

Should I stay or should I go....

  

I have been asking myself this questions for the past few days.

Yes, I got the job offer which came as a surprise to me. I'm still feeling the after shock effect from the fact that I got the job within the next working day after my interview. This is the fastest job offering opportunity in my entire career life for tha past 12 years. I was expecting them to get back to me in a weeks time or some may not even bother to call me back to tell me I didn't get the job.

When the head hunter guy called me and inform me the news, I was shocked!

HH : Hey bro, good news la. They agreed to all your terms and they are preparing the offer letter and working out the overall package for you. I will let you know once it's ready for you to go sign the letter.

Me: Huh? What? Are you telling me they are offering me the job? But the interview was last week and the following day was a Public Holiday and weekend.

HH : Yes la bro. They feel that you are a perfect match for this role and they would like to speed up the process of getting you in as soon as possible. They were planning to buy you over from your company but due to your personal trip by the end of the year, they agree to wait.

Me : (still shocked and speechless).... ermm.... 1 direct question if you don't mind

HH : Sure bro....ask

Me : Am I the only candidate ?

That Head Hunter guy continue on with his well-polished explaination that they choose me coz of my relevant experience and yada...... yada..... yada.....

They agreed to gave me the expected salary I asked for and best of all, they have no problem with me starting work from mid of January onwards. I thought the 2 month notice would turn them away because of the fact that they are desperate to get someone immediately to fill in the job. Maybe in a long run, it's worth waiting for 2 months instead of spending the next 6 months training someone new.

The job scope is almost identical to what I have done 5 years ago when I joined my current company. Although all my friends are really excitedfor me about my new job, but deep down I don't sare the same intense of excitement that they are feeling. I know this sound weird but I just have some hesitation. I'm stuck with this question to myself:

"Am I going backwards instead of progressing if I take this job?"

Deep down I'm truly happy that I can leave my current role which is so frustrating and stressful but on the other hand, it is giving me a chance to learn new responsibility. I know I bitch a lot about it, dragging myself to work, complaining and whinning about how it is killing me in terms of my motivation, my morale, my will to fight and the list goes on.

My career line has not been in a straight line. I have been in multiple industry and job.
Here goes the list which started back in 2000:

• 1st job : 7-eleven retail assistant
• 2nd Job : Factory working in some jewelry industry
• 3rd Job : QC Documentation Controller in manufacturing industry
• 4th Job : Business Development Executive in Education industry
• 5th Job : Taxation assistant (contract)
• 6th Job : Property Management Officer in one of the condo
• 7th Job : Program Management Coordinator (Sub con factory)
• 8th Job : Database Analyst in PC industry
• 9th Job : Contact Center Reporting Analyst in PC industry
• 10th Job : Contact Center Operation Lead (regional) in PC industry
• 11th Job : Program Manager in PC industry (current)
• 12th Job : Regional Business Analyst in Consumer industry (future)

For the past 12 years of working, I have landed in 11 different roles where from Job# 9 to Job# 11 are in my current company. My new job will be almost identical to Job# 9 but different coverage.I'm having this crazy thought that I'm going backwards instead of learning new things and progressing. Why I'm excited is merely just a chance for me to stop doing what I am doing now and leave.

On one hand, I'm excited about getting out of this pain but on the other hand, I'm hesitating with no strong valid reason why. It's just mixture of feeling. I know I'm not a very career minded person, not someone who wish to rule a company or monopolize a specific market. I'm just someone who would like to have a stabil income to get on with life's challenges and expectations. Guess partly I know I will be leaving the group of colleagues that have gone thru ups and downs with me for the last 5 years or maybe I'm having this fear to move out from my comfort zone for the past 5 years and move on to a new unknown territory.

Hhmm.... hope that this weekend will shed some lights for me to realise what will be the best for me....

Happy Belated Halloween guys.....

Understanding my myself....

Sometimes I feel like a stranger to myself - not knowing myself well enough. If you post this question to me:

1. "What do you like to do, in term of job or career?"
2. "What do I foresee myself doing for the next 10 years or till the end of my career line?"
3. "If I'm given a choice to choose, any job in the world, what would it be?"

My answer will be : "I donno leh" then shrug

Not only in terms of job decision, in terms of personal life, I'm always asking myself:

1. "What can I do with my life to make it more meaningful or more happier?"
2. "I have seen people who is very contented with their life, knowing what are their dreams and making use of their life to fulfill their life's ultimate goal. What is mine?"

My answer to these aspect of my life remain unknown as well.

Sad ala pathetic kan?

I think this is the downside of being too in touch with your emotions and allowing them to take charge in my life. I know I need to balance my logical and emotional side of me, but very often I give in to my emotional side.

Like example, lately I attended an interview. I started to feel overwhelm with the fact that I may have to decide or make decision (something which I don't like to do, especially big one that can affect portions of my life span), but on the other hand, I get very frustrated and trapped when I'm left with no options. I know what my best pal will say to me at times like this...."you very char boh kan sin la" (means - you want something but when it comes, you don't want it to come...)

Oh well, guess I have to learn how to listen to the real thought within myself instead of emotions that run wild at that point of time....

Worried...nervous....anxious.....ugh

Yes, I'm having a mixture of feelings, one which can relates and blend in to another. For those who know me in person, knows why I'm feeling this way. For those that don't, which I doubt there are any who will read this blog, I'm going for interview tomorrow.

Gosh, I can't remember when was the last formal interview I went. It could easily be like 2 years back. I get this 'butterfly in the stomach' feeling the night before the interview and I wonder why. Not that I'm facing some death sentence or dooms day, I just can't feel the inner peace in me.

We (my partner and I) took a ride to the interview place, knowing how bad I am with reading maps and knowing my way around PJ area. When we reached there, I have this sudden shocked at how grand the building look like. First thing that strike my mind was - damn, these ppl must be arrogant, stuck-up ppl who thinks that they are 10 times better than you. I felt intimidated, honestly. Not that my current company is small and less grand, just the appearance of the building itself gave me that kind of unsettling vibes.

Sigh......maybe years of settling down in a known environment gave u that kind of resistance to changes....I donno ....perhaps

Silly me ya.....

Another note that made me feel nervous is knowing the fact that 4 ppl will be interviewing me - 2 locals and 2 Aussie. Yes.....major freaky moments

I hope tomorrow my lucky star will shine on me and gave me the courage to show these guys that I am not to be underestimated. Before that, let me get a good rest and be prepared with a fresh looking face tomorrow. LOL

Ok good night ppl....wish me luck....

Mental Block.....Ugh....

Ugh.... It's one of those moment when my mind just refuse to function beyond its basic survival mode.
I never have problem with "massaging" massive amount of data. But now, I just don't know what to do with the big load of data in front of me. I don't even know where to start and what to analyse, not to mention draw conclusion from those data.

Guess it's the way my mind is telling me.... enough for today....

Good night cyber world....
I'm gonna off my lappy and go back to the book I am reading.... ^_^